Queen of Pop or Empress of Disdain?
Image credit: Joe Daly
When Ohio State would play Michigan, my father used to loudly grouse, “I wish they could both lose.” This is precisely how I felt when I read the story of two New York men who have launched a class action lawsuit against Madonna for taking the stage two hours late on her Dec. 13, 2023 stop at the Barclays Centre on her Celebration tour. The nexus of the lawsuit is that the men sustained lawsuit-worthy damages because "they had to get up early to go to work and/or take care of their family responsibilities the next day." Spoken like two men who have never snorted blow on a weeknight and still made it into work (relatively) on time. Michael Fellows and Jonathan Hadden, the lead plaintiffs, have launched allegations of breached contracts and other violations after Madonna’s late start and their lawyers are now seeking class action certification in federal court. Imagine being the poor bastard from Domino’s who turns up at their door ten minutes late.
Anyway, let’s dive into the heart of this absurdity: ultimately, it’s the artist, not the promoter, who decides when to take the stage — assuming all systems are go. And Madonna, that self-fellating caricature of a once-vital artist, boasts a history of tardiness that isn’t exactly a well-kept secret; in fact, the lawsuit cites myriad prior examples of Madonna’s penchant for taking the stage late and for generally treating her fans like a baby treats a diaper. Nonetheless, in broad view of Mount Obvious, if you’re going to a Madonna show and you expect punctuality and mutual respect, then I hope you’ve recovered from that latest crypto scam. More pointedly, what would have happened if Madge came out on time but played two hours extra? Would they still have sued her for keeping them up on a school night? Or would they try personal responsibility on for size to see how it might fit?
Therein lies the real issue: our society, in its relentless and wholly disproportionate pursuit of “justice” and financial compensation, has morphed into a grotesque beast of litigation that, with increasing vigor and malice, gnaws away at the legs of our legal system. Every inconvenience, real or imagined, now spawns a lawsuit. Some ding dong spills McDonalds hot coffee on their lap while driving,* they sue! Somebody goes to a baseball game, proceeds to not pay attention to the game and then gets hit with a foul ball - sue! The impulse to make others financially responsible for our own bad decisions has long ago transcended comedy.
Still, it's an ugly scene for all involved. Madonna, once the trendsetting iconoclast, now teeters on the brink of irrelevance, not due to age or diminishing talent, but because she's obviously forgotten those who put her on that shimmering pedestal. In her late-stage career, she clings to the trappings of stardom with white-knuckled desperation, oblivious to the changing tides of time and taste. It’s undeniable that apart from the appallingly thin litigation now forming around her tardiness, there’s a very real sense of satisfaction that somebody is finally getting called to the carpet for treating fans like shit. And in this dimension, we might find the only real upside to this situation, because there’s no way that the plaintiffs are going to prevail. I doubt they’ll even get nuisance money, due to the staggering precedent that could set. But to have exposed Madonna’s gaudy sense of entitlement and her persistent refusal to show her fans even a base level of respect, is a very real plus.
Madonna, once the vanguard of the new and the bold, now withers in the shadows of her past glories. Her late starts are not just a disregard for timeliness but a metaphor for a career that has overstayed its welcome. It's time for a curtain call, not because the talent has waned, but because the connection with the audience, the real source of her power, has frayed beyond repair. This nonsensical lawsuit is destined for an early dismissal and for the plaintiffs, their fifteen minutes of fame are soon reaching an end. As for Madonna, it's time to acknowledge that the world has moved on, and so should she.
*A reader helpfully pointed out that in the case being referenced, the plaintiff was not driving the car at the time that she spilled the coffee on her lap.