Aliens and the Professional Athletes Who Love Them
Image credit: Joe Daly
In the brain-eroding carnival of 21st-century distractions, it was nothing short of jaw-dropping when dramatic tales of zooming sky specters and high-octane whistleblowers barely ruffled the national psyche. At no less than a Congressional hearing on national security, a high-flying parade of serious and highly-credible men — including former intelligence officer David Grusch and former Navy pilots David Fravor and Ryan Graves — testified about having seen actual aliens. The nation barely flinched. While Grusch, Fravor, and Graves poured out their otherworldly confessions to a room full of starched shirts, the great American beast seemed more enthralled by the next viral cat video or slack-jawed political sideshow, barely blinking at the possibility that we're not alone.
In the middle of it all stood Tom Delonge. In the clove cigarette haze of post-millennial rock and roll, the Blink-182 singer/guitarist — recently reunited with his old band — emerged as the voice crying in the cosmic wilderness, shouting, “Aliens exist!” And damned if he wasn't right. One can't help but marvel at the spectacle: UFO-chasing rockstars turned vindicated visionaries and it barely earned a shrug from the narcotized masses.
Beyond Delonge’s enduring commitment to building a psychic bridge to our interstellar homies, there lies an even more bizarre underbelly of others who believe in beings from the outer reaches of space. These mad prophets of the intergalactic stride boldly among us, reeking of Bengay and sweat — in the flesh and bone of professional athletes.
And so we plunge deep into the strangeness of the celebrity mind, celebrating those eminent sports heroes who not only chase balls, goals and touchdowns on terra firma but who also scour the cosmos looking for their next interstellar match-up.
1. Muhammad Ali: The Greatest Alien Hunter
Muhammad Ali reported sixteen UFO sightings, often during pre-dawn runs through Central Park. In a freewheeling chat with Sports Illustrated many years ago, Ali stated, "Many times, in the early morning hours, you can see them playing tag between the stars... I’ve had a good number of sightings myself. The closest was when a cigar-shaped ship hovered over a car I was in on the New Jersey Turnpike.” There’s something deeply satisfying at the idea of alien voyeurs ogling the undisputed heavyweight champ, going about his business in the morning twilight.
2. Aaron Rodgers: Orange You Afraid of E.T.?
On the "You Made It Weird, With Pete Holmes" podcast, Rodgers recounted a 2005 encounter in New Jersey, stating, "I saw an unidentified flying object." He described it as a "large orange left-to-right-moving object" obscured by clouds and snow. "It was definitively large in the night sky... And it goes out of sight and we look at each other and go 'What in the fuck was that?'" With considerably more free time on his hands these days, perhaps Rodgers will dive headlong into more alien mysteries.
3. Kyrie Irving: Basketball’s Flat-Earth Astronomer
In the remote quadrants of NBA lore, Kyrie's tales stand apart like a mescaline trip at a First Communion. Embracing theories such as the planet being flat (a public stance he later regretted), it makes perfect sense that Kyrie is fully on board with the idea of intelligent life beyond our world. Speaking on one podcast, Kyrie explained, “I wake up sometimes, I go outside and I look and I tell ‘em, they’re up there, just beam me up, already? Beam me up!” Clarifying his views further, he said, “There are extraterrestrial beings in the Universe.” Another day, another dimension in the mad saga of Uncle Drew.
4. Baron Davis: The NBA’s Cosmic Kidnap Victim
In a post-apocalyptic setting between Vegas and LA, NBA star Baron Davis told "The Champs" podcast, "I was actually abducted by aliens,” whom he described rather uncharitably as “half-human, half ugly-looking motherfuckers." He recalled being prodded, poked and prodded some more, then unceremoniously released onto a highway in Montebello, where he came to while speeding back to L.A. at 4 a.m. While he later joked about it, who wouldn't want to learn crossovers from a pro like Davis?
5. Sammy Watkins – NFL’s Extra-Terrestrial Whisperer
The Chiefs’ wide receiver once insisted he’s an alien himself. Maybe those insane reflexes and 40-yard dash times aren’t just the results of good genes and rigorous training. Perhaps it's the alien DNA, eh? In 2020, he gave Bleacher Report an interview for the ages. His alien heritage is just one of the cranial-exploding revelations that he unloaded and well, thank god for guys like Sammy because they keep life spicy.
6. Metta World Peace – The Galactic Defender
Formerly known as Ron Artest before he decided that world peace was a preferable ambition to elbowing opposing players in the head, Metta famously told a reporter in 2013, “I’m not a player, I’m an alien.” Explaining the customs of his otherworldly civilization, Metta said, “I don’t focus on anything else. Aliens only want to win championships. That’s it. Injuries is not a focus. Trade talk is not a focus. Nothing is a focus. Gluten-free pasta is not a focus, which I would rather have gluten-free pasta.” Whether all aliens or just him are gluten-intolerant, was apparently left to speculation.
7. Sammy Hagar - The Red Rocker: Mars Edition
Ok, I’m reaching here but to be fair, the Red Rocker enjoyed a promising boxing career before a hellaciously fortuitous course correction led him straight into the immortal pantheon of rock gods. Hagar joins Baron Davis in claiming that he too, has been abducted by aliens. “It was real,” Hagar once insisted to an incredulous MTV reporter, further explaining, “They were plugged into me. It was a download situation ... Or, they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment.” Hagar further believes we're all hybrids of some sort. "It's about time someone outed this information," Hagar once exclaimed. "Why have they kept it a secret? It's Earth-shattering!" This is one you’re going to have to hear for yourselves.
As we lift our heads from these extraterrestrial escapades, one must ponder: are these athletes really onto something or is the seismic punishing visited on their bodies night after starlit night, causing a few cosmic hallucinations? In an era where reality is often stranger than fiction, who's to say? Maybe next time you see a player launch a perfect three-pointer or score from half-field, you’ll wonder if somewhere, in a galaxy far, far away, an alien coach is nodding in approval.