Shit That Doesn't Matter To Anyone This Week
The Golden Girls Of Boston Are At It AgainThe Golden Girls of Boston (fka "The Toxic Twins") continue to clog up the waters of relevance with more of their clumsy and embarrassingly catty public bickering. If Aerosmith were in the throes of a verdant creative era and Steven Tyler's country cash grab slowed down the pace of a new album, then yes, any efforts he spent recording away from the band would be exceedingly newsworthy. But Aerosmith haven't written anything remotely interesting since 1993's Get A Grip, the second installment of their comeback campaign (following up 1989's Pump), which sold millions of copies, even while grunge was chasing the rest of the long-haired rockers deep into the hills. But while Get A Grip kicked major ass, it was almost entirely dependent on help from non-Aerosmith people. Out of the fifteen tracks, Aerosmith wrote only two on their own. Their biggest hits — Cryin', Crazy and Livin' On The Edge — were co-written with Taylor Rhodes (Ozzy Osbourne, Celine Dion, Journey), Desmond Child (Bon Jovi, Ricky Martin, Kiss, Kelly Clarkson) and Mark Hudson (Cher, Hanson, Baha Men, Scorpions), respectively. Their four subsequent albums have sold obscenely well and earned them a Grammy award (for Pink, which required two additional songwriters, incidentally), so no need to weep for the former "Bad Boys from Boston," but it's no stretch to say that virtually all of Aerosmith's successes in the wake of 1984's Done With Mirrors comes down to one reason — their ability to buy great songs from elite songwriters and to surround themselves with producers, engineers and handlers talented and focused enough to push through the band's pissy in-fighting and wholescale lack of ambition. Then again, considering Perry's own gnarled attempt at going solo, Tyler's successes without Aerosmith might understandably touch a nerve. 
Kanye Tweets More Bullshit. On The Plus Side, He Didn't Beg For MoneyKanye has vowed to not make another CD as long as he lives. On the heels of this staggering declaration, shockwaves of rhapsodic bliss energized music fans across the globe, united in hailing West's courageous and long-overdue decision. Our euphoria met a swift and bitter end however, when hip hop's richest panhandler clarified that he's going to continue making music, but he's moving to streaming-only from now on. In other news, North American music retailers anxiously await word as to whether Kanye's announcement will finally prompt Steppenwolf to stop releasing eight-tracks. 
Lou Gramm Has Some Weird Ideas About NumbersApparently ex-Foreigner frontman Lou “Midnight Blue” Gramm is a glass-half-empty guy. I draw this conclusion after reading that he believes that the band’s 40th anniversary next year is their final chance to stage a reunion. First, who in the world led Lou to believe there’s some seismic groundswell of demand for a Foreigner reunion in 2016? Presumably the same type of person who rings up tobacco shops to ask if they’ve got Prince Albert in a can. Good Lord, has he not been paying attention to the tumbleweed-strewn dustbowl known as the Heritage Circuit these last few years? Or is Lou Gramm positively gagging to spend a sweat-drenched summer visiting the State Fairs of America because that motherfucker just can’t get enough of those gooey, deep-fried Milky Way bars? Gramm was frustratingly silent on why their 41st anniversary just wouldn't do. Is it unlucky? Did they take some druggy tour bus oath in the Seventies where if they didn't play a show together in 2016 they'd all have to get Sammy Davis Jr. tattoos on their chests? The mind reels...Lebron Continues To Confuse Clunky Subtweeting With LeadershipLebron James’s tweets. Apparently the man who refers to himself as "King" feels that shaming unspecified teammates with pithy, ham-fisted platitudes on Twitter is a mature and effective leadership technique for inspiring teammates to deliver their very best efforts. That's his solution to building team chemistry? Ugh. He might as well just start shitting in people's lockers like an angry cat. Does he pull this lame vaguebooking shit on Facebook, too? His posts must be full of gems like, "Sick of phony friends. What's wrong with people?" Go home, Lebron – you’re obviously drunk on Douche Juice.